ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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