dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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