hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
