If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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