Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
