maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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