wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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