Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
