You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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