Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
