You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
