Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He felt like a one man threesome
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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