I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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