Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
