I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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