I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
