I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
