shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
