my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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