I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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