I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
