i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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