If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
