It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and she was petting her beer can
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I think people are normalizing furries
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
