So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
