Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
