it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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