I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
