Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
