I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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