I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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