Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
