just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
