Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
