...so i touched it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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