i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you win again, gameday.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
