I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
