new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
