she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
