he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
