I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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