community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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