Swine flu is the new snow day.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
