No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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