I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
