dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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