hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
