She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
