Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
