none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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